A few weeks ago, I listened to a podcast by Shauna Neiquist about what it means to change the story. The story that you are in. The story that is written as you live your life day by day. Hour by hour. I sat and thought deeply about what my story looks like to me right now, in this moment. I also thought a lot about what my story looks like to others, and how those two may differ. She talked a lot in her podcast about the places and spaces that brings us back to an older story, with messages that were given to us a long time ago. Messages that remind us of things (positive or negative) and makes us feel 12 or 22 again. And how those messages are really loud.
For me, I think that I have a lot of old messages that are thrown back at me with I travel home… when I sat on my bed from high school or drive down the same roads as I did when I was 16. When I walk into K-Mart, where I had my first job, or when I run over to my best friend’s parents’ house just because. All these messages are wonderful — they are familiar and warm and primarily full of love. However, it is the conversations, situations, and deja vu moments that really throw me back into the not-so-positive messages. Messages that tell me that I am not responsible enough to make a decision. Or that my job is not adequate or the one that was “laid out” for me.
Situations where I feel like I have to prove myself, or that I have no option but to comply to the system, to my parents, to whatever because I feel like a child and I am not worthy enough, not good enough to be an adult in that moment. Sometimes it is a reminder through a comment or conversation that I am not doing anything related to my first degree, or a nudging hint that I truly am not the athletic or coordinated one in the family — therefore, the idea of the gym or running or a competition turns into a mockery moment focused on me. Situations that make me feel like I do not know what I am doing with my money, or that I cannot choose a house on my own, or change jobs, or move across country without a parental approval.
My messages tell me that I could never live abroad. It is financially irresponsible to pursue larger-than-life dreams, like traveling the world through missions — being supported by others through giving and donations is something that my messages tell me are selfish actions and possibly making me not of any worth. My messages tell me that I needed to be married five years ago; I should already own a house; I am also late on starting a family. My messages tell me that having a “decent living” with a “stable job” is more important than happiness in the workplace. They tell me that it is my responsibility to have the house cleaned at all times, to have dinner ready and on the table when my husband gets home, regardless that we work similar hours throughout the day. And if not, if these things do not happen, I am inadequate. And these messages keep me sometimes from chasing my dreams, exploring, wondering, learning…
Negative messages can sometimes define our story too much. Regardless if the messages that create these stories where defined by a teacher, a bully in our childhood, a parental guidance, or hard learned life lesson that stuck with us a little too much, it does not mean that the messages should live into our adult years. Shauna continued to talk about how if we keep these types of stories with us, they stand in the way of good stories that God is inviting us to live.
Ask yourself what are the stories that you have been carrying with you for a long time, what would it look like if you were to let them go, and what stories might God be already telling in your life that might get some life and traction if you were let go of some of these old narratives?
God is always changing your story. And sometimes He telling us to let go, and get rid of those old stories to allow the new stories to be revealed. Bury the old to see the new. Dead but now alive. Blind but now you can see. God's graciousness has rewrote our stories.
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photo credit :: World Race
photo credit :: Pinterest
photo credit :: Pinterest
